I’m competitive. Not just with other people, but with myself. I always want to out-do myself and be the best. Something though, i’ve learnt that it’s not possible and sometimes you just have to do the best you can.
Take my University Course for example. I’m currently studying Criminology & Psychology at the Open University. My first module started last year and i was achieving Grade 2 passes for most of my essay’s. I was good at that module. It set my aim higher for the next module and i felt unstoppable. I felt like i was good at it and not only that, i pushed myself to do better in every essay than the one before. I finished the module looking forward to the next.
Then came this years module. It’s been harder and more difficult to learn and communicate what i’ve learnt in my essay’s. I started on Grade 3 passes. I know, it seems like not a big difference when i write it down, but to see my scores on screen and written down, it’s disheartening. Especially when my tutor pointed out the fact that while my scores were not the best, i might still pass. That was the worst. I panicked. I’m due to hand my last essay in tomorrow ready for Wednesday and i am terrified i won’t pass. Im at the point where i could cry and i feel miserable because i’m not doing as well as i wanted too.
But, like everything, you can only do your best and i’m trying to work to that. Handing in this essay won’t set out the rest of my life for me and it’s not the end of the world. I have other things that many may not; a well paid job, friends, family, a place to live and when i discount this University module, i’m actually happy. So why let this get me down eh?
So, as i said – it’s okay not to always do well. Sometimes you can’t, other times you can.