“Dear 19 year old Bev,
Men are not the be all and end all of life. Focus on yourself and stop clinging to a guy. You do not need a guy to make you a better person. If he is happy, it doesn’t necessarily make you happy. Sometimes it’s okay to do things because YOU want too, no matter whether he will agree with you or not. Go out with your friends, go shopping and treat your self, binge watch whatever programme you want too while laying in bed and shoving ben & jerry’s into your face and forget about him for one second.
Growing up, you will find you can’t be happy in a relationship, if you are not happy with who you are. Sometimes, the people around us make us better people because they push us to be the best and look out for us. Sometimes, the people in our life are selfish and only think about themselves. Remember that time you spent a whole week worrying after that guy walked out on you and the flat you shared and told you he might not come back? He was doing that for himself and not for you both.
One day you will look back and realise everyone who told you ‘it gets better’ or ‘he isn’t worth it’ were right.”
When i was 19, i was in a relationship where i practically worshipped the guy i was with. If he was angry, i apologised because i figured it was probably my fault. If he wanted to see me, i would cancel any other plan i had. If we argued, i would cry until i could not longer cry and beg him not to break up with me. Even his mum told me he wasn’t good enough to me but did i listen? absolutely not. Pretty pathetic right?
I could have done with reading a letter from my older self at this time. I definitely was not thinking about myself and looking back i wish i would have spent time on myself and not gone running to him when he called. It might just have made me a stronger person a lot faster.
Once he walked out on me and our flat, i cried and threw plates at the wall. Basically, i went into a complete breakdown. No one could comfort me. When he ended up dating one of my best friends at the time about a week after he left and we ended or 3 year relationship, it hit me. What was i doing crying over someone who doesn’t deserve me. He clearly didn’t care about ym feelings and even if he came back to me, would i ever trust him again.
Knowing i did not want to put myself through that again, i grew up and moved on. In that moment i decided anyone who wanted to leave was free too and i wouldn’t beg them to come back. Why should i? I also decided if i was not happy then i would end it. It isn’t worth pretending to be happy when you can actually be happy! It may hurt people along the way but you can’t pretend to be happy for just to please somebody else.
Since then, i haven’t let a single guy make me cry. At the end of the day, no matter how much you love them, if they hurt you, they don’t love you. It may hurt, crying might make it hurt less but it wont make them come back and you will eventually find someone who does love you (TRUST ME). Instead, spend time with friends, spend time by yourself because you don’t need another person to love you for you to be happy!
Now, i’m completely content with myself. I spent a period of time being single and it wasn’t the end of my life. It meant i could get to know other people and eventually fall in love with a guy who makes me happy. We spend time apart and together and i know there is no need to be jealous at all because you can trust people again without the fear they will leave. And if they do? Well, more fool them as Beyoncé said – who run the world? GIRLS! 🙂